Here’s a Little Secret About the Man in Your Life…
No matter how strong or masculine he seems, he still craves your approval.
Your approval — and your appreciation — they are the fuel that keeps him going.
He wants you to notice all the things he does for you.
The bins he empties.
The stuff he moves around.
The way he works so hard to provide for you, even if you’re working too.
He wants you to notice that he tries to spot when you’re not yourself. (And that he always thinks it’s his job to fix that — even though it isn’t.)
Your appreciation for a man is literally the fuel he runs on. When a man is appreciated, he feels like he’s winning at life. In a way that it’s difficult for a woman to understand, men think of life as winning or losing.
And yet, in the busy rush of life lately, it’s easy to lose sight of this!
Remembering the Man Who Holds It All Together
Lately our house has felt like a crazy circus-cum-zoo. Our little Jackapoo Milly had a litter of six puppies (Jackapoopoo’s 🤭). My husband went to China just as Milly went into labour…. Meanwhile, one of our Airbnbs was double booked, then the guests drove off with the keys, three of our four shared children were navigating the stress of exams, one car needed to be resuscitated, and life has been a whirlwind of puppy snuggles, various shades of poo, vet visits, imperious demands for revision snacks, or assistance, and bills. In the thick of it all, it’s easy, so to get so caught up in the immediate chaos that you forget to truly see the man beside you.
I was so focused on managing the immediate crises that my husband almost became part of the background hum. He was there, of course, (once he got back from China), doing all the things he always does: emptying the overflowing bins (a never-ending task with puppies!), endlessly emptying the dishwasher, shuttling our GCSE-er to and from school, and quietly tackling his own demanding work. He even bought our daughter a beautiful prom dress.
It wasn’t until late one evening, as I watched him collapse onto the sofa, getting a bit Victor Meldrew-y, that I realised I hadn’t truly acknowledged him in days. Not properly. I hadn’t seen him not just as a co-parent or a bill-payer, but as a man constantly navigating those battles — battles he’s striving to win. And the thought struck me: sometimes, the support of their woman is the very thing that helps tip that balance.
The most empowering and transformative thing we can do for our relationships is to make a conscious effort to appreciate the men in our lives. Even if it feels like he’s not doing enough, or you’re both swamped, take a moment. Look for something – anything – he’s doing that you can be grateful for. And then, tell him.
If you’ve already got my Feminine Energy guide, then you’ll already know this –
Remember, men spend the most energy where they get the most appreciation. Let that sink in.
Sometimes, all a man needs to hear is a really heartfelt: “Thank you for everything you do for us. I appreciate you so much!”
It might just be the thing that helps him win his day.
