Appreciation has an incredible impact on a man, and it’s different to the way it impacts women. Of course, women enjoy appreciation too, but the effect it has on men is ASTOUNDING!
When I’m appreciated for BEING me and appreciated for being silly and playful – I love this because it makes me feel safe to let out my inner crazy ;-). Occasionally, I’m appreciated for my cooking, and that’s nice – mainly because I have spent many years cooking for fussy ungrateful creatures. But I think it’s appreciation on an emotional level that I like best. Overall, for a woman in her feminine energy, appreciation makes her feel safe and secure, (and incidentally, this ‘security’ is something that is hugely important for women, and the driver of many behaviours and instincts).
But appreciation for a man is something very different. It’s literally like FUEL. He needs it to operate. If he doesn’t get it from you, he’ll most definitely find it elsewhere. And I’m not saying he’ll ‘cheat’ on you. I’m saying it’s so crucially and vitally important to him that he will find opportunities to get this fuel which literally sustains and propels him forward.
When a man is appreciated, he feels like he’s winning at life.
I once heard a gifted photographer ask everyone she met, “are you winning at life today?!” Mostly, the women looked at her nonplussed. The men laughed. Because, in some way that’s difficult for women to fathom, men do actually think of life in this way. Winning or losing. Masculine energy is very direct, remember! And appreciation is a key signal that they’re winning!
Appreciation ENERGISES a man
Yes, my husband always arrives home from work like this. Even though he works in a home office next to mine…. Here he has spotted me in the distance. I am running towards him and he has his shield braced for impact, ahem…
I think that for a man, daily life can often feel like a battle that he wins or loses. He arrives home like a weary sweat-soaked gladiator. Well, hopefully not too sweat-soaked, but emotionally speaking… and he just wants something different from a battle. Some appreciation and love.
Sometimes, a man just needs to hear you say:
“Thank you for everything you do for us. I appreciate you so much!”
If you’re American, you can probably get away with adding: “you’re my hero!” but if you’re British you may want to die of cringe if you say this, so I don’t advise it unless it bursts out naturally after a particularly heroic moment.
But the truth is, we really do want a man to be our hero. (Yes, yes, a nod to feminism here… we want to be our own hero too. Because, guess what, we can empty the bins, drive the car, sort the logistics, earn the money – we can do it all!) But sometimes, as a feminine woman, it feels SO GOOD to feel the strength of a man behind you. And men really do want to feel like a hero. (I have a whole other post about this to come shortly – so please subscribe! Or you might miss it!!)
I think in many ways society tries to teach us it’s WRONG to want to want a man to be a hero. But I disagree with this. I own my desire for a strong masculine man. (And I’m so blessed to have my man in my life). I’ve seen women spend years and years PRETENDING that they don’t want a man, that they don’t need a man. They’ve closed their hearts off from this possibility. But inside they’re lonely, and they secretly crave the joy and happiness of being the special woman in a man’s life, whom he loves and adores.
Men only bother when they want to.
They really do. They text if they feel like it, and they can be bothered to use their head space and fingers. They call if they want to. Occasionally you might manipulate them into doing it (don’t ask how I know this). But they will always default into doing it when they want to. And when it suits them. They are typically very cautious about their energy and their headspace.
And this is perfect… because when you’re dating and a man texts you, calls you, plans dates, and wants to spend time getting to know you – you know he’s doing this because he wants to and chooses to.
I always think it’s important to listen to what a man says. They’re often exceptionally honest and transparent about their intentions (IF ONLY WOMEN WOULD LISTEN!). Especially at the beginning stages of a relationship – really, really listen to what a man says.
But even more importantly, look at what he does. Because men are careful about their energy. Instinctively, masculine energy is more intentional about energy. I’m not saying that women aren’t strategic, I’m simply observing that men automatically assess their energy expenditure. That sounds funny written down. But they really do want an ROI on their energy…
And guess what?! They spend the most energy where they get the most appreciation.
So, if you have a man, please do appreciate everything he’s trying to do. Even if it seems like he’s not doing enough, I’m sure there will be something he’s doing that you can be grateful for and tell him.
Peacock Feathers!
Sometimes (haha!) men are so cute. Even the big CEOs and super achievers of the world. You give them some genuine heartfelt appreciation, and you LITERALLY see them puffing out their chest. I call this the Peacock Feather move.
And I have to finish this post now, but thank you for reading this far.
Oh, and PLEASE subscribe. I feel like I am posting into the ether!
